Offtopic: Funniest Joke!

timeoff, people! funny joke here ))

Girls vs boys.

Girls' English.

1.Yes. = No.
2.No. = Yes.
3.Maybe. = No.
4."It's your decision." = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
5."Do what u want." = You'll pay 4 this later.
6."We need to talk." = I need to bitch.
7.Sure. Go ahead. = I don't want you too.
8.I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron.
9.How much do u love me? = I did something today your not goin' like me 4.
10.Is my butt fat? = Tell me i'm beautiful.
11.You have to learn to communicate! = Just agree with me.
12.Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.

Guy's English.

1.I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
2.I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
3.I'm tired. = I'm tired.
4.Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
5.Can I take you to dinner? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
6.Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
7.May I have this dance? = I'd eventaully like to have sex with you.
8.Nice dress. = Nice cleavage.
9.You look tensed, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you.
10.What's wrong? = What meaningless self inflicted pshychological trauma are you going through now?
11.What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
12.I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
13.I love you. = Let's have sex right now.
14.I love you too. = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!
15.Let's talk. = I am tryin' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!
16.Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegel 4 you to have sex with other guys.

you like it?

Van Gogh's Family Tree

His dizzy aunt -- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes -- Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop N. Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia -- U Gogh

The cousin from Illinois -- Chica Gogh

His magician uncle -- Where Diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin -- A. Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -- Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach -- Wells Far Gogh

The constipated uncle -- Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt -- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle -- Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst -- E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin -- Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking -- Way To Gogh

The little bouncy nephew -- Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco -- Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van -- Winnie Bay Gogh

....And there ya Gogh!

REASONS WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. A guitar has a volume knob
2. If you break a guitar's G-string, it only costs $.79 for a new one
3. You can make a guitar scream as loud as you want it to
4. You can unplug a guitar
5. You can finger a guitar for hours without it complaining it wants more
6. Other people can play your guitar without it getting upset
7. You can finger a guitar in public and get applause, not arrested
8. You can have a guitar any color you want and no one will care
9. You can make your guitar as tight as you want it just by turning a peg.
10. If your guitar doesn't make sounds you like, you can return it
11. You can use four fingers at a time on a guitar
12. If your guitar strings are too heavy, you can just get a lighter set
13. You can have a guitar professionally adjusted to *your* liking
14. If you scratch a guitar's back, it's unintentional, not required
15. You can go to a guitar shop and play all the guitars you want for free
16. It's good to have a guitar that's stretched out.
17. You can take lessons on how to play a guitar without feeling embarrassed.
18. You can rent a guitar without worrying about who rented it before you.
19. You can play the guitar with your bare fingers and no protective covering.
20. You can get rich playing a guitar, not broke.
21. A guitar doesn't take half of everything you own when you sell it.

REASONS WHY WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN GUITARS

1. Women are more fun when the power goes out
2. You can't get your guitar wet
3. Ever try to screw a guitar?
4. The input to a guitar is only 1/4"
5. A guitar won't beg to be played
6. It's no fun to tie your guitar to a bed and spray whipped cream on it
7. When playing a guitar, you can use your teeth, but not your tongue
8. Guitars aren't very aggressive
9. A guitar won't play you back
10. You need two hands to make a guitar scream
11. A guitar won't scratch *your* back
12. A guitar won't drive you home if you're too drunk
13. A guitar doesn't care who plays it
14. You can't play two guitars at once
15. You can't fall in love with a guitar (well, maybe you can, but they can't love you back)
16. It's a lot more fun to stretch out a woman than guitar strings.
17. Guitar lessons aren't free and aren't as much fun.
18. If you really *do* want little guitars, you have to buy them.
19. You can't marry a rich guitar.
20. Even a good guitar won't usually last a whole lifetime.
21. Guitars don't taste very good.
22. A guitar won't give you head.